The most challenging part of my life has been dating. Dating is exhausting and draining. The guys that I meet are squirrelly and quite questionable. I think it might be the choices that I tend to make. I have tried online dating which in itself is very scary. I am highly attracted to men who have the “bad boy persona”. That selection made complete sense in my early twenties. As I got older I realized the choices were not getting better and what’s a single girl’s got to do? (Keep dating the bad boys) with wisdom. Time has been going so fast and before I knew I was in my thirties. Now the bad boys choices that I have come with bigger and bigger packages or are emotionally unavailable.
I have decided to take a complete turn around on my love life, which is to fall in love with myself first before anyone else. I call it my “selfish lover”. To be perfectly clear Putting yourself first is never a selfish choice, but since some people will call it that, I will call it that also, because I will not apologize for loving and putting myself first. I also only call it that because that’s how society view this type of love. I am an advocate for self-care and self love. We have to be tender with ourselves, care for our bodies and treat it delicately before we can be in a place to offer our love to someone else. You cannot possibly be able to give something you don’t possess to someone else. We must have self-love in order for us to be able to truly love.
Now when people as me if I am in a relationship I say yes. I am falling in love with me everyday. Discovery my potentials, my passions, my likes, dislikes. The little things that make me smile, or bring unmeasurable joy to my heart. Now I know when I finally meet that mister Right he will have me at my best and I will be able to give him all the love that I can I give freely, with no regret or questions.